As the year draws to a close, everybody seems compelled to look back at the year in question and reflect. There are always changes, accomplishments, and the ups and downs that happen to each of us in the course of our lives.
We take stock of where we are in life. We take a minute to appreciate our good fortune and loved ones.
2012 was momentous for me, but at the close, I look with joy at my wonderful husband and my 31 year old son who is making his way in a tough business (music publishing and songwriting) and is finally completely self supporting. I look around at my home, and enjoy the way it looks with some of the remodelling we did this past summer. I look forward to being in my vacation place in St. Maarten which I love for its beauty and serenity, overlooking the Caribbean.
There are things that I wish I could rewrite, go back in time and change. But I can't. I have to accept myself, warts and all, and move forward. 2012 was the year I stopped singing, something I have done professionally since I was a child. I took a long break from 1997-2004, but returned to it with a wonderful jazz project that yielded me two CDs, and many new friends. But in 2012 I felt as if I had nothing left to give, I no longer felt that confidence, that conviction that I should be part of the pro music scene any more. It is rather like giving up a part of yourself, leaving emptiness and loose ends. But it remains to be seen whether I will ever return or try something new.
My husband and I are bound tightly together. The challenges we faced this year have proven to draw us closer, rather than divide us, and our 27 year marriage is stronger than it has ever been. Of course, that is due to the fact that he is the best guy I have ever seen-loving, kind, supportive, good natured, and bright.
I have never felt that I was special, gifted, wonderful, important, fabulous, always right, perfect, etc. But I have known what my place in the world was, accepted myself and tried to love and enjoy myself. I believe that each person should do what it is that makes them happy, both in their chosen profession and in their personal time, whatever that may be. Accept yourself, love yourself, and try to reinvent yourself whenever you feel stagnant. And laugh, communicate, smile!
The holidays themselves mean little to me as religious celebrations; I am not Christian, and really don't embrace the spiritual world too closely. They represent special days to enjoy, appreciate, reward each other for just, well, being. And they coincide with the year's end, and of course the reflection that comes along when one thing is ending and a brand new thing is beginning....
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy New Year, Happy Kwanza, whatever you enjoy, may it bring you smiles, laughter, joy, good food and great friends, and whatever makes you feel like glowing!
